As a kid, I feared the dark –
The smothering darkness underneath my bed
Monstrous shadows playing on the walls
Haunted sounds from lands afar
and wispy spirits of the dead.
The older I grew, the better I knew
that these monsters were not real.
The world created them only to put me in line,
to keep me as tame, for then I would be just fine.
The older I grew, the braver I got.
The monsters became things of the past,
mere faded memories of fears I’d overcome
And I admired how well I’d fought and how strong I’d become.
The older I grew, the more friends I made
Each promising eternity and no less.
They were as real as this world could get
I loved them and was loved back nonetheless.
But the thing about growing old is this –
The higher I fly, the harder I fall
I fall to the hard ground of reality
while the sturdy walls of success and friendships crumble around me
as if they were only sheets of ice after all.
As I sit on heaps of life’s broken rubble,
the fears I thought I had vanquished slowly rear their ugly heads.
All lights are aglare and my friends are all around
but the monsters don’t really seem to care.
For they are now inside of me
thriving in the dark corners of my mind.
How do I turn on the light in there? Which friend do I find?
These monsters are no strangers to me, their voices still familiar
They were the same that lay under my bed, feeding off my fears.
I’d let the world in when I was a kid, for I hadn’t known any better
Now it spread like disease in my veins
as I helplessly watched my mind jitter.
No light from the outside is allowed in
The only chance is to light a fire within.
But in the barren expanse of my mind
Even a tiny wick would be a hard find.
And then it struck me as it always does –
The kind Lord made fire with just two stones on earth
Would He not show me my light within if I earnestly prayed and searched?
All He needs is my faith in Him
and love for all, full to the brim
I’m no different from Him he says
it’s only Him in all His forms and ways.
This is the only Truth that is to be known.
The one I forget ever so often –
I am the Creator, the Creation and every bit of the unknown.
- 4th August, 2017